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The Guided Change Coach
May 313 min read

How to Support Someone with Active Listening and Validation

Do you ever find yourself stuck finding the right words and feeling lost on how to support someone? We talk so much about mental health awareness, but it can be overwhelming to sit one-on-one with someone who wants to be seen and heard.

When a friend or loved one is struggling, it's essential to be present and offer genuine support. Here are some effective ways to actively listen and validate their feelings, along with insights from Marsha Linehan's Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) on validation.


At The Guided Change, we excel at helping clients develop active listening and validation skills that improve communication and foster stronger relationships. By integrating these skills, you can build deeper connections and provide the support that truly makes a difference.


Understanding Validation through DBT

Marsha Linehan's Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) provides a comprehensive framework for understanding validation. Validation in DBT involves recognizing and accepting another person's feelings, thoughts, and behaviors as understandable.


Validation helps to build trust and safety in relationships. It allows the person to feel seen and understood, reducing feelings of loneliness and isolation. When you validate someone's feelings, you acknowledge their experiences and emotions, which can be incredibly healing and supportive.


Here are some DBT strategies for validation:

  1. Pay Attention:

  • Be fully present and attentive. Avoid distractions and show through your body language and facial expressions that you are listening.

  1. Reflect:

  • Mirror their feelings and thoughts by summarizing what they have said. This shows that you understand their perspective.

  1. Mind Reading:

  • Gently guess what they might be feeling if they are having trouble expressing it. For example, "It sounds like you might be feeling overwhelmed. Is that right?"

  1. Understand:

  • Validate that their feelings are understandable given their experiences and context. For instance, "Given what you've been through, it makes sense that you feel this way."

  1. Normalize:

  • Let them know that their reactions are typical and that others might feel the same in similar situations.

  1. Radical Genuineness:

  • Be authentic and real in your responses. Show that you truly care and that your support is sincere.



The Power of Active Listening

Active listening is more than just hearing words; it's about fully engaging with the speaker and showing empathy. Here are some key phrases and approaches:

  1. "I am here."

  • Simply letting someone know you are present and available can be incredibly reassuring.

  1. "That sounds really hard."

  • Acknowledging their struggle validates their feelings and shows empathy.

  1. "What do you need right now?"

  • This question allows them to express their immediate needs and gives you a way to offer specific help.

  1. "I hear you."

  • Affirming that you are listening attentively can make the person feel understood and valued.

  1. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

  • Offering support shows your willingness to assist in whatever way they need.

  1. "You matter."

  • Reminding someone of their value can be incredibly uplifting during tough times.

  1. "Your feelings make sense."

  • Validating their emotions confirms that what they are feeling is normal and understandable.

  1. "I really care about you."

  • Expressing your care and concern can strengthen your connection and provide comfort.

  1. "It is okay not to feel okay."

  • Normalizing difficult emotions can help reduce feelings of isolation and self-judgment.

  1. "You are not alone in this; I am here for you."

  • Reassuring them that they are not facing their challenges alone can provide immense support.


Practical Tips for Providing Support

  1. Listen without Interrupting:

  • Allow them to share their thoughts and feelings without jumping in with solutions or advice.

  1. Use Open-Ended Questions:

  • Encourage them to express themselves more fully by asking questions that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no."

  1. Offer a Safe Space:

  • Create an environment where they feel comfortable sharing their vulnerabilities without fear of judgment.

  1. Be Patient:

  • Give them the time they need to process their emotions and thoughts. Avoid rushing them to feel better or move on.


Supporting someone effectively requires active listening and validation. By using the phrases and strategies outlined above, you can provide meaningful support and help them feel valued and understood. Incorporating principles from DBT can further enhance your ability to validate their experiences, fostering deeper connections and emotional well-being.


Remember, the act of being there and showing genuine care can make a world of difference in someone's life. So, next time someone reaches out, listen with empathy, validate their feelings, and let them know they are not alone.


For more insights on emotional support and personal development, visit The Guided Change and take our self-care quiz to reflect on your own practices across emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental dimensions.


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